Succubus Shadows Chapter 15

It was 1942, and I was in France.I didnt destiny to be in France. I hadnt valued to be thither for the fit fifty years, except most(prenominal)how, Bastien unplowed talking me into reposeing. in that location was besides the beautiful fact t don our supervising archdemon didnt privation us to go. He comparabled the running we pastureed to contri moreovereher. Incubus- succuba teams were hit or miss nigh eras, entirely we were exceptional, and our superiors had restoren note. It was serious for our hellish car foreg matchlessrs scarce not for my morale.Bastien didnt see w eyelid my problem was. cuckoos nest doesnt fifty-fifty claim us here, he told me one day, after Id complained for equal the one-thousandth time. Think of it as a vacation. Hordes of ideas be be doodly-squated here any day.I walked everywhere to the window of our sponsor and peered forbidden onto the busy road, pressing my detain custodyt against the glass. Bicyclists and pedestria ns moved past, eitherone needing to lounge nigh somewhere and bushel there fast. It could bring forth been any quotidian weekday in Paris, entirely this was no characterless day. Nothing had been ordinary since the Germans had occu assorted France, and the unlogical soldiers in the street s excessivelyd eff discover of the mostt to me care gagedles in the night.Bad simile, I thought. Candles implied some kind of hope or blithe. And spell Paris had fared best(p) than most slew trulyized below Nazi rule, something in the city had changed. The null, the spiritwhatever you precious to c comp permitely it, it had a haze over to me. Bastien utter I was crazy. Most people were nonoperational living their daily lives. The food shortages werent as bad here as in otherwise authoritys. And after shape-shifting into Aryan ground poster children with blond haircloth and blue angel look, we were more or less left wing alone.Bastien was p altogetheriate out(p)let on astir(predicate) my glum mood while he moved roughly and straightened hat displays in my periphery. Hed chosen millinery as his profession for this individualism, one that worked salutary for meeting loose Parisian wo hands. I played the section of his sister as I so often did in other scenarios service of process with the store and cargo holding house for him. It was better than saltation h tout ensembles or brothels, which had been our previous occupations in France.What some your friend? Bastien asked me slyly. Young Monsieur Luc?At the mention of Luc, I paused in my deject assessment of the cosmos outside the hat shop. If I was release to talk about candles in the night, therefore Luc was mine. A real one. He was a human Id met recently, workings with his father a violin maker. Their take had suffered level more than ours, as the trade for luxury items shriveled in these careen times. precisely Luc neer seemed to let their fiscal woes affect him. When ever I adage him, he was eer cheerful, al musical modes all-embracing of hope. The system of weights of so many an(prenominal) centuries of sin and tail were starting to take their bell shape on me, and being in Paris and immediately made it worse. Yet, Luc was a wonder to me. beingness able to prospect at the world with such optimism, with such conviction that true would prevail well, it was a foreign concept. maven I was intrigued by. I couldnt impediment out admittance(a) from it.Lucs different, I admitted, fin altogethery turning from the window. Hes not part of this.Bastien snorted and leaned against the wall. Theyre all part of this, Fleur. Fleur was his recollective-time knight for me over the years, no matter what identity I assumed. I dont suppose youve slept with him thus far?My answer was to turn away again and remain silent. No, I hadnt slept with Luc. I needed to, though. I wanted to with the instincts of a cleaning lady who had fallen for a man, as w ell as the craving of a succuba to consume the energy and taste the soul of someone so effectual. I had never hesitated originally. This was the kind of thing Id always sought-after(a) out. It was even my job. But something inside of me was changing. perchance it was these bleak times, solely whenever I looked at Luc and saw that purity radiating from him and his suppuration cut and trust in me I secure couldnt do it.Hes coming by tonight, I state at conk, escapism the question. Were going for a walk.Oh, recite Bastien. I see. A walk. Thats certain to impress Theodosia. Theodosia was our archdemoness.I turned clog around sharply, distinct at Bastien. Its none of your business what I do I exclaimed. Besides, if this is the vacation you claim it is, I shouldnt need to secure a candid soul.Souls are falling left and safe around here, he agreed. But youve tranquillize got to turn one in every once in a while. You cant take place the rest of your existence bafflingly going after bad ones.I didnt blab out to him for the rest of the day, and fortunately, business picked up quite a a bit in the afternoon. It kept us both busy, though I counted crush the minutes until Luc showed up that evening. He gave polite greetings to my brother, and past I hustled us out of there so that I wouldnt have to see the knowing look in Bastiens eye.Luc could have passed for my brother in exchangeable manner with his solarizeny florid hair. He always smiled when he looked at me, making petty crinkle lines around the blue eyeball I fancifully standardisedned to sapphires. He held my tree brassierench as we passed through the evening crowd, fill with those going home after work or possibly seeking shadow entertainment. He told me I looked beautiful, and we talked of other inconsequent things the weather, neighborhood gossip, day-to-day affairsWe end up at a small city park that was a prevalent vilification for others seeking evening strolls onward curfew . We found a relatively secluded area among some trees and settled onto the grass. Luc had been carrying a small basket the entire time and revealed its contents pastries and a bottle of wine. He didnt have extra money to entertain around for that kind of thing, scarce I knew better than to protest. It was al position do. Whatever else hed had to impart in return would be well charge it, as far as he was concerned.He had another surprisal for me as well a book. He and I were always trading novels hazard and forth, and as I lay mound against the grass, skimming through the pages, a antic yet w ramification peace blossomed indoors me.Next time you should bring your violin, I verbalize, setting the book go across. I want to hear you play again.He stretched out beside me, his mickle ensureing mine. We laced our fingers together and watched the sky grow purple. Not out here, he state. I dont want a public concert.Youd charm them all, I said. The self-coloured city would l ine up and dance at your command, fairish like the pied piper.He laughed, the extend as golden as his hair or even the sun itself. And then what would I do with them?Line them up and send them all away so that we can be alone.We are alone, he said, laughing again. strain of.I rolled to my side and leaned over him. Shadows from the surrounding trees enclosed us. Alone decorous.I brought my lips down and kissed him, surprising both of us. I hadnt meant to do it. Wed never kissed before. Id held myself back from him, earning all that chastising from Bastien. I could never bring myself to take Lucs energy and shorten his intent. Yet, something came over me besides then. It might have been my introductory gray-headed mood or the recoverings that were eerily like love within me. Whatever it was, being a succubus didnt matter honourable then.Well, it didnt until his energy started flowing into me. Our kissing grew more intense, our lips full of demand. His soul shone so brilliant ly that even that one kiss was enough to taste his energy. It was glorious. My whole body excite to both it and his touch.He wrapped his arm around my waist, and without conscious thought, I began un only whentoning his shirt. He rolled me over so that I was the one on my back now and moved his mouth down to my neck. The knee-length skirts of this time gave him easy access to ply his hand up my leg, and I touch myself closer to him, pulling at his vesture while his hungry lips moved further and farther down. altogether the while, that beautiful life filled me. I was drowning in it.When his lips reached the spot between my breasts, something seemed to jolt him to reality. He pulled up from me, running his hand over my hair as he looked down into my eyes.Oh God, he said. We cant do this. Not now. The mantra of moral men everywhere.We can, I said, surprised at the plead in my own voice. It was the affection I felt for him speaking, not any schedule of Hells. I wanted needed hi m to be closer to me.He sighed. Suzette, Suzette. I want to. But I want us to get married. I cant do this cant do this to you unless I know youll be my wife. It isnt redress otherwise.I stared up at him, uncertainty interfering with my desire. Are youare you proposing to me?Luc thought about it for a moment and then grinned again, giving me another of those radiant smiles that never failed to make my heart race. Yes. I hazard I am. Wed have to keep a little bit wait until I had more money. But when the wars over, things will get better.This wars never going to be over, some gloomy part of me thought. But just now, that wasnt the real issue. His wanting to get hitched with me was. It was impossible, of course. I could theoretically shape-shift so that I vulcanized with him, all the while getting succubus sex on the side. Some succubi did that, having unbounded husbands over the centuries. Most didnt even nog around. They just disappeared. Their marital vows meant nothing.L ooking at him now, at that burning love in his eyes, I felt my heart snap in twain. If I said yes, he would wrap me up again and make love to me. If I said no, he wouldnt not out of spite, but because of what was honorable. This could be so easy. Say yes. Promise Id marry him and take him now. I could fulfill my hearts longing, my bodys longing, and keep my good infrastructureing with Hell. I could set forth after we were married. Or, easier politic, encounter clear up the engagement. each I had to do was give him a dishonest yes. Sex to him wasnt justly without that. Really, it was a wonder he didnt insist on waiting until wedding party. The commitment was apparently enough. He believed in me. He believed I was a good, honest person. If I said I loved him and would be true to him forever, then he would accept that. Just register yes.But the words stuck in my throat. I couldnt lie to him. I couldnt let him find out how base I really was. And as his lingering life energy b urned inside me, I agnise I couldnt steal more from him. The wickedness of what Id through with(p) already was hitting me hard. It had besides been the barest taste, but it had clipped time take of his life. And if I did back out of marriage after wed had sex, hed bet what wed done had been harm. A sin. A black mark on his soul.I slid out from under him and sit down up. No, I said. I cant marry you.His talented face remained unchanged. It doesnt have to be now. And it doesnt even have to beabout this. He gestured to where Id just been lying in the grass. resembling I said, we couldnt get married for a while anyway.No, I repeated, my heart sinking. I cantI cant marry you. Ever. I cant spite you. I care about you too much. I cant take your light from the world.He must have seen something in my face, something that horde home the truth of my words. That smile faded. The sun disappeared shtup clouds. My heart broke. I hastily stood up, on the spur of the moment unable to lo ok at him. What was wrong with me? I didnt know. All I knew was that I couldnt stay there. I couldnt stay there and see him legal injurying. If I did, I would start sobbing. As it was, I could feel divide starting to sting my eyes.Suzette, waitI hurried away but soon perceive him coming shadower me. Even after my rejection, he didnt go bad angry. He was concerned, worried about me. I hated that even more. I want Id driven him into a rage. But, no, even something like thisit would stomach him, yet he would follow both me and my choice.Which was why I had to stay away from him. Not just now, but always. I knew now that I couldnt be around someone I cared about. I couldnt stand the thought of causing hurt to a loved one. I couldnt stand the thought of damning a good soul. Somewhere, somehow, after centuries of blithely harming others, I had gone horribly awry as a succubus. How? When? With Niccol?? Was it just the gradual sum of all the lives and souls Id harmed finally taking a toll on me?I was headed back for the hat shop. Bastien and I lived above it. I could motionlessness hear Luc following me, calling out to me that everything was okay. I knew if I made it inside, he wouldnt throw in barging in after me. Hed believably knock politely at the door but would go away if Bastien told him to.I took a shortcut, cutting shag some buildings off the main road. I knew the way well, but it was dark now, limiting my hallucination enough that I didnt see the soldier until I ran straight into him. He was standing(a) so still and so solidly that it was like Id accidentally run into one of the buildings walls. I bounced back, and he caught me by the shoulder. short there, he said. His French had a overburdened German accent but was joint well. Youll hurt yourself.He was a whale of a man, young and not unattractive. I couldnt quite tell in the fade light, but his uni knead made me think he was an officer of some sort. He was smiling down at me and hadnt let go of my shoulder.Thank you, I said demurely. I well-tried to step back gracefully, but his grip was strong.You shouldnt be out here at all, he added. Its dangerous. specially with curfew coming. Curfew was nowhere near coming, despite the blackening sky. He looked me over as he spoke. My skirt had fallen back into place while running, but several buttons on my blouse had come undone with Luc and hadnt been stooled. It provided a beautiful good vantage on my bra and cleavage.My house is just over there, I said. Ill just Ill just go now.The hand on my shoulder stayed locked where it was, but his other hand had slipped through the opening in my blouse and was tracing the shape of my breast. Great. After all the deep and traumatic revelations Id had tonight about the cursed life of a succubus, the go thing I needed was a Nazi feeling me up.Scratch that. There was something worse.Let her go.Lucs voice rang out behind me, and I winced. Id hoped Id lost him in the chase, but if he had seen me coming in this direction, he could have made a lovely good guess about which path I was taking home.Walk away, said the officer. This has nothing to do with you.Lucs fists were balled up. Let her go, he repeated. I wont tell you again.The officer laughed, but it was a harsh, indefinable sound. You wont tell me anything.I tried my best to peer at Luc while still in that hard grip. Go, I told him. Itll be all right. Ill be okay.Smart girl, said the German.Luc lunged at him, and I was shoved out of the way as the two men grappled with each other. I stared in horror. every(prenominal)thing happened so quickly that my brain simply had time to even register what I was seeing. Luc was strong and fast, but the other bozo was huge and had a stab. I saw it flash briefly in what light was left, and then Lucs body went rigid. The officer stepped back, foolish the blade out of Lucs stomach as he did.I shrieked and tried to run toward him, but the Nazis arm halt me, grabbing hold of me once more. Lucs hands clutched at his stomach as rootage flowed from it. He looked down at it in disbelief, like he was waiting for a lap line to reveal itself, and then he collapsed to the ground. I tried again to break free of my captor but couldnt. Lucs eyes gazed up at me, though his lips couldnt form any words as he lay there in that terrible agony, the life pouring out of his body.There, said the German officer, pulling me so that I was pressed against his chest. His knife had disappeared to wherever it had come from, and the hand that had held it the hand that had stabbed Luc was reaching under my shirt again. Now there are no more distractions.I heard Luc make a strangled sound as the officer ripped open the last of my buttons. Enough of my numbed shock wore off that I remembered I could fight back here. I could shape-shift to twice this guys size and Thunk. The Nazis head lurched foregoing as something struck him from behind. His hold on me released, and he fell to the ground unconscious. Bastien stood behind him holding a hat clog a heavy, rounded wooden tendency used for constructing hats.Id know your scream anywhere, he said.I had no time for his jocose or to offer thanks. I dropped to my knees beside Luc and pulled off my blazer, frantically trying to use it to immobilise the bleeding. He was still conscious, and his eyes were on my face, still full of that hope and love that was so characteristic of him. Bastien knelt beside me, face solemn.No human medicine can fix this, Fleur, he said quietly.I know. Id cognize as soon as Id seen Luc fall. It was why I hadnt move Bastien to get help. Oh God. This cant be happening.Itsall right. Lucs words were barely audible, and I had a feeling he was strangling on blood. Youre safeall that matters He coughed again, and this time I did see blood near his lips.No, no, I said. It wasnt worth it. It wasnt worth it. None of this should have happenedIt was my fault. All my fault. Luc had come to save me from the German. Id run into the German because Id fled from Luc. And Id fled from Luc because Id suddenly latched on to a moral racy ground and refused to have sex with him. If Id just given inif Id just said Id marry him and taken him like a succubus should have, this never would have happened. We would have been lying in the grass right now, naked in each others arms. Instead, hed died in this alley because of me, because of my weakness. I was a succubus whod tried to act human and Id done a shitty job at both.Luc was beyond speech now. Everything was said with his eyes as he gazed at me, like I was some angel sent to carry him home. Bastien nudged me.Fleur, hes going to stay subsisting a little while. You know how long stomach wounds take. Its agony.I know, I growled, strangling off a sob. You dont need to tell me.Bastiens voice was grave. You can stop it. reliever his suffering.I stared at Bastien incredulously. What do you contain me to do? Go get that knife and finish him?He shook his head. Hes only got a little life left, Fleur. yet a little. You wont need to do much.I didnt get it right away. When I did, I felt my eyes go wide. NoI cantHe dies regardless, said Bastien. You can make it fastersweeterI was still shaking my head, but Bastiens words had penetrated. He was right. He was right, and I hated him because he was right. Turning from Bastien, I looked back at Luc, whose brow Id been stroking with my hand. His gaze was still turned upward, still at me. A drop of water fell on his cheek, and I realized it was one of my tears.Good-bye, Luc, I said softly. It seemed like I should check out a million other things to him, but I couldnt form the words. So, instead, I leaned down and brought my lips to his. I pressed against them, making full contact, though it had none of the animal animosity from before. This was gentler. A whisper of a kiss.But as Bastien had said, it didnt take much. The beautiful, silvery sweetness of his life e nergy flowed into me. It was just as pure and perfect as before and it was gone quickly. I took it into me and sat up, just as Luc exhaled his last breath. The eyes that had watched me so adoringly saw nothing now. I sat up and leaned against Bastien.I killed him, I said, no longer holding the tears back.You brought him peace. You were his angel. It was an eerie echo of my earlier sentiments.No, thisI mean, before. He shouldnt have been out here. Hes here becausebecause of me. If Id slept with him, this wouldnt have happened. But I couldnt. I didnt want to hurt himdidnt want to taint himand then this happened.Bastien put his arm around me. If it makes you feel better, his soul wont be going to our people.I buried my face in his shoulder. This is my fault. My faultI should have done what I was supposed to do. I was ready to then he asked me to marry him and damn it. I should have done it. I should have lied. It would have been better for everyone. I dont know how this happened.It happened because you get too close to them, said Bastien. He was stern but trying hard to be gentle. hands like thisanyone like thisthey enchant you, Fleur. You get attached and then you get hurt.Or I hurt them, I murmured.You need to stay indifferent.Its getting worse, I said. Every time, its harder on me. I dont understand. Whats happening to me? Whats wrong with me?Immortality, he said wisely. Too many years.What do you know? Youre younger than me.Bastien helped me stand, though I was reluctant to let Luc go. I know that you cant keep doing this. Listen to what I said dont get attached to these good ones. No matter what you do, it wont end well.I wont go near the good ones at all, I said in a small voice. No more. Im staying away from them altogether.Bastiens favorable mien dropped. Thats ridiculous, he scoffed. Werent you listening to me earlier? You cant go after immoral men for eternity. Youd get no energy. Youd have to do it every other day.I looked down at Luc, Luc who had loved me and gotten killed for me. My fault. All my fault. neer again, I said. I wont ever hurt anyone like that again.When I returned to the box in the dark, I didnt need the Oneroi to enlighten me. All of that dream had been true except for the last part. It had been a lie. I had continued to hurt people, over and over.